I'm A Cat, Not An Exorcist!

Guys, I have a real problem. I think Younger Mom may be possessed. Oh, and I think the world also might be coming to an end.

First, Younger Mom. She's been acting very strange lately. She's been leaving the house at all kinds of weird times. She sometimes gets home really late at night, and then what does she do? If you thought she would play with me like she's supposed to do when she gets home, you thought wrong. She goes right to sleep! Doesn't she know I expect playtime as soon as she walks through the door? If she doesn't want to play late at night than she shouldn't be leaving so late. 

But lately, I have to cut her some slack because apparently she's become possessed by a demon. During the day, from what I can tell, she's fine. But once the sun starts to go down, she goes through this change. Like a werewolf...kind of. Every night, when she lies down, she starts making this noise like something is trying to force its way out of her. I know it must hurt just by the way it sounds. Part of me wants to snuggle up with her (or, with her legs at least. That's the only part of the bed I like.) but the other part doesn't want to get too close. Until I learn how to speak human, I don't think I'll be able to perform an exorcism. 

And as if Younger Mom being possessed wasn't bad enough, it's starting to get hot outside. When it's hot outside, strange things start to happen out there. Big machines plow through the water behind the house and make it crash up on the rocks. And there's more people everywhere. Some of them are very small, and they make loud noises...

Wait a minute! I got it! Those must be the demons that are stuck inside Younger Mom! No wonder she seems so uncomfortable. I know I'd be too if I were trying to hack out a kitten...

Make Up Your Mind!

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Ok, I get the fact that the people have to leave me sometimes. But why can't they make up their minds about when they want to go? For the longest time, Younger Mom went away very early in the morning. Then she came home just in time for dinner and a walk. But then she decided that she wanted to sleep in, so she started leaving me at night. Ok, I can live with that. But then guess what? Just when I get used to her leaving at night, she gets up and leaves early again. Older Mom does this too!

That's why Mr. Treat is my favorite. He has the right idea-never leave me at all!


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You Won't Believe This...

You guys won't believe this. Check this out...

We've been freaking robbed! I'm not sure when it happened, but it must have been when the people locked me in Younger Mom's bedroom yesterday afternoon. I could hear all this banging outside the door, and when I was finally allowed to come out this is what I found in the living room. 

And you know what? The people don't seem to care! I've been meowing my lungs out about it, trying to tell them that hey, somebody took my couch, but they seem to be just fine with it. 

Then I wend up to the Younger Guy's room and guess what? It's completely empty! The robbers hit there too! Absolutely nothing in it! Well, there is some garbage left on the floor, which of course meant that I got locked out of there. And again, the people don't seem to care that a room that was full of furniture last night is now empty. I'll never understand people. 

All I know is I'm sleeping with one eye open from now on.

Oh, Where to Begin...

Where do I even start? The last time Younger Mom wrote on here, I was a kitten! I most certainly am not a kitten anymore! I haven't been a kitten in forever...or maybe it's only been 4 months. I am a grown-up cat now, and if I do say so myself I'm just about the best grown-up cat there is.

You know how many times I've scratched the people's furniture? None.

Ok, I do scratch the back of the chairs they sit in to stare at the computer, but I'm just trying to increase their activity level by making them get up.

You know how many times I've missed the litter box? None.

Well, I did have a couple of accidents after I first came home...on Younger Mom's bed. While she was sleeping in it. Younger Mom was not happy about that. But I was a kitten. That didn't count. 

You know how many times I've scratched or bitten the people? 

Neither do I. I've lost count. But I do know that I've only drawn blood once. Does that count for anything? Hey, I have to be ready to defend my people, and if I don't practice on real people arms and legs then how will I know how to attack  when the robbers come? Or the zombies?

See? See how big I am now? Sure, the people say I'm still tiny. But have you seen the size of most people? I don't think their opinion matters much. Even the (gulp) vet.

I had to go there last week, actually. It's been a year since I took over this house, and apparently we (and by we I mean the people) decided to celebrate by bringing me to get poked with needles. I just don't get people sometimes. I weigh 7 pounds and 11 ounces now, and for some reason my weight made the people laugh.

Let's see...what else has happened since Younger Mom started failing at writing stuff down?

Oh, I know! I eat different food now! When I first came here, I only ate crunchy food. Then Older Mom decided to get juicy food too. 

Juicy food took some getting used to. At first, I didn't realize I could eat juicy food-I just licked up the juice and went on my way. Sometimes I still do that, especially if I'm already full from my crunchy food-or from Kitty Oreos.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just realized not all of you may be aware of Kitty Oreos.

These are Kitty Oreos. Mr. Treat gives these to me whenever he wants me to stop following him for a little while. I don't know why Younger Mom calls them "Kitty Oreos". I just know that whenever Mr. Treat shakes them out of the bag, she mutters something about how that's like giving a 4-year-old Oreos for lunch. 

Younger Mom doesn't buy Kitty Oreos, but she does get me little bits of crunchy chicken. She only gives them to me when I'm learning to sit and give high-fives, though. I think I'll go into that another time.